Frustration Days

Living with one's in-laws, one's days seem to be divided into three categories.  1. Catatonia, wherein one exists within a state of mental dissociation, lest problems occur or stress skyrocket simply by noticing how difficult one's living situation is.  2. Escapism, wherein one spends all day seeking reasons to get out of the house and/or plotting to run away from home.  3. Frustration Bordering On Homicidal, wherein absolutely nothing gets done because one exerts all of one's energy on surviving and coping emotionally so that nobody dies a violent, completely accidental death.

Today was a 3.  Strangely, it was easier on me than it was on Jeremelon.  I hid in our playroom all day, writing away.  But that didn't keep the anger from overflowing into my room.  Nope.  Because people shout.

Our fingers are crossed for this week and a short-term solution to our problem.  If it works out, and works out as well as we hope, we *might* be able to move out.  It will depend, as always, on financial viability.  Keep your fingers crossed, too.  Because accidents happen around here all the time...and what would be one more?

Just kidding.

My days are routinely frustrating because I can't control anything except what I spend my time on in the apartment.  So I have given up a lot of my mommy duties to let them become daddy duties, and switched gears to writer mode.  This makes me feel guilty.  I miss my baby.  I miss devoting my days to my baby.  It also puts an insane amount of pressure on my ability to churn out words.  Good words.  Words worthy of people paying to read them.  The longer it takes me to finish this first top-secret story, the later in the year it will be before I can start making money, in whatever manner that ends up being.  (Jeremelon has insisted I ignore the call to get a job, at least until my top-secret project is no longer a secret, so I can focus.  Except I can't focus, because there's all this guilt!  And pressure!  And frustration!  And augh!  The IMPATIENCE!)

I want our lives to get better.  I want to MAKE them better, but my options are pretty darn limited.  I can't even set a stupid routine, because our needs come waaaaaaaaay at the bottom of everything else going on in this household.

/End rant.