New Blog!

I have a hundred things to do before we leave for California.  So what did I do?  Did I clean?  No (though Jeremelon did.  Yay, husband!).  Did I do homework?  Ha!  Did I make lists to help me be more organized.  Not a chance.

Nope.  I felt it was a better use of my time to create a new blog.  Or my procrastination brain did.

For whatever reason, I have a new place to play!

The Berry Patch House

Mostly, I'm going to use it to try to convince myself that cooking is fun.  That veggies are yummy.  That a healthy lifestyle is a happy lifestyle (okay, that one doesn't take convincing, but it does bear constant repetition).

Plus, my childbirth class made me realize that not only did I have postpartum depression (that I may, in fact, still be suffering from), but I also experienced post-traumatic stress disorder from giving birth.  It was bad.  Like, can't see past my front door, and won't even look because I can barely survive in here, bad.  I'm still sorting through all the feelings.  All the anger, betrayal, disappointment, sadness, and honest grief.  But that is a post for another time.  I bring it up here to say that all the above has made me feel utterly disconnected from everything.  I have no roots to fall back on, no skills to feel good about.  Worse than that, I've been weighed down by the guilt of feeling like I'm a horrible mother because I never connected with my baby like I "should" have.  I know now that it wasn't my fault, and that I shouldn't hold myself accountable for those feelings.  But I DO need to find a way to overcome them.  My hope is that the new blog will be a jumping off point for reconnecting with life, my husband, my self, my day-to-day existence, and, most importantly right now, my son.  Because we connect, and we love each other like mad, but I still suffer from the guilt and the fear that I'm not being a good enough mommy.  I need something to prove to myself that our days aren't wasted.  Even if that just means cooking for us once a day!  I need my time to mean something, before I go absolutely batty with the feelings of inadequacy (if I haven't already...).

So!  Give the new blog a once-over.  Bookmark it if you want to follow my attempts to cook and make other stuff from scratch.

And have a berry lovely day! :D