Been a long time, huh? I gotta say, I'm both sad and glad that blogging has sort of fallen by the wayside. Sad, because it used to be a big part of my self-expression, personal journaling efforts, and everyday writing outlet. But glad because it was an awful lot of blah thrown out into the universe. Except the baby stuff. :) I really wish I had more baby stuff to talk about...
Let's see. Gooseberry is going on 8 now. ("Whaaaaaat?!" you may ask. And to that I answer, "I KNOW!!!! GAAAAAH!) He's been in an absolutely phenomenal structural program here in Phoenix for the last three years. Did I write posts about that? I don't remember. I wrote some big entries for Facebook, so I...doubt it. Anyway, he was fairly nonverbal when he started kindergarten. Within three months, he was talking. Now, we can't get him to stop talking. He still has a lot of letters that he doesn't pronounce correctly and the way he puts sentences together sometimes is strange. But he is wonderfully expressive when he wants to be, and absolutely hysterical. I mean, this kid is FUNNY. I know most parents think they're kids are entertaining, but even his teacher has said that she notices a significant difference when he's out sick...because they all laugh so much less. He is a Leo, no doubt about that, and very much his daddy's kid. Silliness abounds! But he's also very much my kid, too - he reads a grade level ahead and is one of the peer examples in class. (Except in math. He's awfully sneaky about finding ways not to have to do math...so...I guess he gets that from me, too. :/ )
Let's see. He loves people. Makes excellent eye contact, to the extent that I have to remind myself to actually look at him when we're having conversations. It didn't make a difference before, since he wouldn't notice. But now, I definitely lose out on connection opportunities, just like with a normative kid. He's also gotten more into playing with toys, now that his friends showed him how much fun they are. Not too thrilled about the level of violence that shows up in the way he talks about things, but I guess that'll be a future battle. For now, it's enough to get him away from electronics and into his imagination. Oh! And Jeremelon's grandmother moved in with us back in November. She's been giving Gooseberry piano lessons. He ADORES the piano, as I knew he would. All instruments, really. I need to get better about teaching him to practice. (A significant challenge, as I never learned very well, myself. He's got my impatience, too...)
So he's doing awesomely.
Jeremelon got a new job last summer. He is now a field technician for a company that services movie theatres and the like. He works on projectors and audio equipment and televisions and electronic menu boards. And because we live in a not-so-dense region, he often travels between states. He was in El Paso on Monday, and next Monday he'll be going to Vegas. He goes to Vegas a LOT. (Not nearly as fun as it sounds...most of the time he leaves early, does his work there, and then drives home in time to go to bed. It's a LOT of driving.) We acquired a used minivan a few weeks ago which makes that driving more convenient. Now if it would stop being weird long enough for the mechanic to work out the minor bugs enough to get an emissions test so we could register the silly thing, life would be MUCH more self-sufficient. But in all, Jeremelon is doing well. He likes the job and the driving vents some of his nomadic need to move.
Speaking of moving, we're supposed to be joining the in-laws in their other house. They moved over three weeks ago, but I've been dragging my feet. HARD. After almost three YEARS with them, I'm out of tolerance. And when I'm out of tolerance, it mostly means I spend all day every day in a wet heap of tears and despair. My social well is so tapped out, it's going to take years to refill it. I'm worried the same is true of my creative well, which is apparently tied to my ability to persevere. The longer I have to hold on and expend all my energy surviving (emotionally and mentally, anyway), the harder it is to find my imagination. The spark of joy has gone out of my writing. That, on its own, has been a hard thing to face. How does one lose the fire that makes them who they are? Will I ever find it again? I certainly hope so... But right now, I don't feel much like writing. I mean, I still love crafting stories...but the writing is so much WORK that I just...don't seem to have it in me right now.
And, of course, being fully honest, a lot of that is depression. Fear. MMmmm...no, let me rephrase. It's sheer terror about the future. Not, thankfully, the kind that used to be with me every day that made me terrified of being evicted and winding up homeless on the street. But the kind that comes with a complete and total unknown. We humans tends to have issues with question marks where our futures are supposed to be. Jeremelon and I are changing...well, everything, really. I can kind of imagine what life might look like come, say, this October. But this time next year? ........I got nothin'. I'm trying to embrace the excitement and the freedom and the possibilities that come with that, but...nope. Thinking about it too hard gives me a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. And that is all I'm going to say about that.
I guess that catches us up, huh?
I'm going to try to get back to blogging. At least a little, here and there. If for no other reason than to get back in the habit of writing every day for an audience larger than my own issues. (Seriously - they've had ENOUGH of my attention these last three years.) Also because I'm trying to wean off of Facebook. We still need it, by and large, to keep us connected easily (where "connected" means able to contact each other easily, not actually connecting on an interpersonal level); but that's pretty much all it does anymore. (And I am ENORMOUSLY glad to have it, as my cousin Eric has been tremendously sick for the last five months, and FB ensured his sister and fairy godmother could keep us all in the loop. Much love for the platform!) I want to find a better way of creating content, connection, and, you know, actual back-and-forth. The way we internet freaks used to, before it got trendy (which was before it became absolutely vital to our cultural existence). We did internet friendships better than anything does it now. I want to see if I can get back to that, at least for myself.
And that, my friends, is all she wrote (for tonight). Drop me a line and say hello, or ask any burning questions you might have. Let's catch up!
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