One More Down

That's one more semester down.  I'd be happy, except...er...I didn't do very well.  I started with 5 classes, and ended with 3.  Within those 3, I'll probably get two Ds and the Incomplete that will shortly become a (hopefully) B.  And that is massively disappointing.  It's my own dumb fault, for not choosing to do what I needed to do.  For biting off more than I could chew.  Between classes that overloaded me (the two I dropped), my doula training, and the big family trip to California, I just couldn't handle it.  Plus, I had MASSIVE senioritis.  I should have been done in December.  I think my unconscious mind rebelled at having to take another semester.

And now, because I didn't have time to finish my correspondence class, I have to take ANOTHER semester.  Actually, at this point I'm not so bummed about that.  I don't want such an awful GPA to be my last.  The whole point of taking easy intro classes was to improve my GPA, not kill it.  Aghlglgle.

Oh well.  Onto bigger and better things.

I have 7 holistic health modules to finish to replace the I with a (hopefully) B.  Then my Spanish class starts two weeks from Tuesday, and my History class a week later.  They end on July 1st.  So I'll be done, officially, July 2nd.  FINALLY.  Unless we move before that, and then I have to switch out the campus History class for the same correspondence class over again.  Then I will have to do ALL of that work, too.  But, I'll be done by August, regardless.  I'm SO done.

And then I have new plans that I'm super excited about!  I'll be able to get to know the California birth community, and launch my...hm.  What do I call it?  Practice?  Business?  Operation?  Hee.  I will be launching my doula career there.  I was kind of hoping one of the half-dozen friends I have here in Colorado would ask me, but no such luck.  I know, I know.  It's a really intimate, exposed time, and most people don't want to share it/deal with the potential embarrassment of having a non-close friend there.  I get it.  We were warned in training that disappointment was going to be a big problem until we learned to accept it and deal with it.  It's a personal rejection, after all, albeit one that's also professional.  I'm sure once this batch of friends delivers, I'll be better at it.  Right now, I'm stuck worrying about them because I KNOW I could help, and I KNOW I could improve their experiences.  It was a knife in the gut when two of my friends delivered their firsts a week apart, both with 40+-hour labors, one with an early induction, and the other an apparently horrible experience.  Stab and twist.  Augh!  To know I could have helped and yet there wasn't anything I could actually do because it's not like it's my birth to decide who shows up.  AUGH!  I can't exactly make them accept my help.  That's hard for me, even though I completely understand.  It's like sitting at an oasis, watching a friend crawl on their belly across the desert floor, parched and thirsty, and not being able to give them the water all around me.  It makes me sad, more than anything.  But it's also part of the process of really becoming a doula, and I understand that, too.  Sigh.

I totally lost track of where I was going and what I was talking about before that...hmmmm...

Oh!  Story stuff.  There's gonna be story stuff.  Stay Tuned (though don't hold your breath - it's a slooooooow process!) !!